Deadbeat Moms On The Rise

By Morgan Fogarty

CHARLOTTE, N.C. - Meet the deadbeat moms of Mecklenburg County: Kai Waunn McCartey owes nearly $15,000 in child support. Catherine Oquendo owes more than $12,000.00. And Tonya Miles owes nearly $6,000. They are the most wanted moms in Mecklenburg and cases like theirs are on the rise.

"Let's say 2 or 3 years ago we may have had one or two cases, now it's probably one or two a month," says private investigator Keith Hollen. He says the increase in dead beat moms has to do with the economy: More women going back to work. Earning more money. And suddenly able to pay more child support. But they might not want to. Hollen talked about a recent case, saying "The mom said that she was only working part time and couldn't get to work. Come to find out she had a car, she had her own place, she was working full time."

So once you've figured out that your kid's mom or dad is lying about their ability to make payments, or just flat out refusing, what do you do? There are a few options.

"Wages can be automatically deducted from people's pay," says Charlotte attorney Matt Arnold. Arnold focuses on family law and says parents who are behind on child support can also be forced to provide financial documents or be court ordered to make the payments. If they refuse, "The punishment of contempt of court can be anything from a fine to imprisonment," says Arnold.

The US Census Bureau keeps track of deadbeat dads and moms. In 2007, the most recent data available, 25.8% of dads due child support didn't get it. Compare that to 23.4% of moms.

Note: You must also compare that to that there are approximately 11.5 million non-custodial fathers compared to 2.7 non-custodial mothers! Even with this vast number difference, dads still pay child support more than mothers do! hmmm?

Source & Video: http://www.foxcharlotte.com/dpp/news/deadbeat_moms_120209

Nancy Schaefer - Fighting for a Better Tomorrow for our Children and Families

By FramedFather,

Former State Senator of Georgia, Nancy Schaefer, has been on a continuous mission to expose corruption and to fight for Parental & Children's Rights in the state of Georgia and across the nation for many years. She is now the President of the Eagle Forum of Georgia, Inc., and continues fighting for a better tomorrow for our children and families.

Author of several articles, she especially gained national attention, when as a Georgia Senator she penned, THE CORRUPT BUSINESS OF CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES,, which details several problems that many of our children and families go through in these so called "government help programs", specifically CPS.

Before and since then she has written a long list of articles that continue to astonish and educate people, which can be found HERE.

Nancy Schaefer is dedicated more than ever to continue helping children and families across the nation.

She is currently involved in numerous "problem areas" and is working with others on several projects that will benefit what we all value the most, "Our Children and Families Best Interests".

Some of these important projects she is currently working on need our financial support to be finalized and put into motion. Any size donation will help and would be highly appreciated. Please send your tax-deductible donations to:

Make Checks Payable to:

Eagle Forum of Georgia, Inc.
458 Yates Circle
Clarkesville, Georgia 30523

Or for more information, call the Eagle Forum of Georgia at: 706-754-8321

Nancy Schaefer over the years, has made several personal sacrifices fighting for the rights of others, lets show her our appreciation!

To send her a note of support and thanks for all that she has done and continues to do, email her at: nancy.schaefer@nancyschaefer.com

_______________________________________________________________

Help needed for mom who lost job

Note: This scenario is wide spread and running rampant across the US, and even in other countries. Millions of parents are struggling to make ends meet, losing their jobs, losing their homes, and finding it difficult to support their children. Millions of parents are caught in a desperate situation financially and there seems to be little light at the end of the tunnel with the economic conditions in this country the way they are.

Here is a story of a mother of a 12-year-old son having difficulty supporting her son and making the news pleading for help. Is this mother facing losing her drivers license, her passport privileges, contempt charges, being incarcerated, etc., due to the fact that she is having a hard time supporting her child? Is this mother being labeled a deadbeat parent because she lost her job and cannot support her child like she wants or needs too? Hell no is the answer to these questions. According to the article the father continues to pay child support to her, at least that is mentioned, yet they throw in the phrase "when it arrives", implying he's a deadbeat regardless.

What about all the millions of fathers out there that have lost their jobs, homes, etc., and are having difficult times paying child support? Well, they are losing their drivers licenses, passport privileges, being charged with contempt, being incarcerated and left to rot for owing a debt, AND being labeled a deadbeat parent! He is also thrown into the "discusting men’s club". No one comes to his rescue....

There is definantly a double standard set in this country and is completely biased towards fathers/men. When a father has a financial setback and has trouble supporting his children he is a deadbeat parent and jailed. When a mother has a financial setback and has trouble supporting her children she is labeled a poor struggling mother who needs our sympathy. She is automatically thrown into the "wonderful woman’s club". Everyone runs to her rescue....

I'm not saying that there is not any mothers out there that get trampled on and destroyed like the millions of fathers that do, I'm just saying that there is a big gap between them and an obvious double standard set. Regardless, millions of innocent children are stuck in these scenarios and are suffering because of it. The system is quite "wrong" and definantly needs to be tweaked to give all of us an equal fighting chance during these rough and difficult economic times.

Article: By GREG MENZA/ gmenza@c-dh.net

A single mother of a 12-year-old boy needs help this year providing a Christmas gift for her son.

Laid off from her job last December, and able to find only part-time work since, this mom is still trying to recover from mounting bills which include two loans she took out to continue meeting everyday expenses.

Because of the layoff, every bit of what she earns each two weeks immediately goes to paying the bills. Even the family’s phone has been turned off, and she worries that electricity may be next. Working part-time, her weekly salary is only $150. Child support, when it arrives, is another $50 a week. Food stamps help provide the family’s meals.

This winter, her boy’s most immediate needs are for a winter coat (size 12), gloves, socks and a hat. She is hoping someone in the community will help her be able to give him those for Christmas.

"It amazes me that he never complains, and it breaks my heart to see him being so good and patient through all of this," she said. "I feel guilty because I don’t even have enough money to buy him some of the regular things that most kids have. It would be nice to be able to give him those things. Even a couple of DVD movies would be a thrill for him."

Anyone willing to help out this family can do so through the Adopt A Family program. Adopt A Family is one arm of the Maury County Community Christmas Card program that reaches out to help the less fortunate at Christmas. The Community Christmas Card is a 501(c) 3 non-profit charitable organization developed and run by local volunteers with a desire to see that every Maury County child finds a present on Christmas morning.

In addition to Adopt A Family, the Community Christmas Card also provides gift vouchers at area stores to underprivileged youth and organizes the Angel Tree program in which participants buy a special gift for a child whose name they select from Angel Trees found at area businesses. Participants then purchase and wrap the gift and return it to any Angel Tree business partner. Gifts are distributed to each child by volunteers a few days before Christmas at the Ridley 4-H Center.

All donations to the Maury County Community Christmas Card programs are tax deductible and can be mailed to The Community Christmas Card Program, P.O. Box 1425, Columbia, TN 38402 or dropped off between 8 a.m. and 5 p.m., Monday-Friday at The Daily Herald at 1115 South Main St.

Source:

http://www.c-dh.net/articles/2009/11/30/top_stories/02christmas.txt

Babysitter's Custody Win May Be Short-Lived

Interesting!

By Tresa Baldas

11-30-2009

Family law attorneys call it a first: a babysitter winning custody of a child. Now the mother's lawyer has won a rehearing -- just in time for the holidays.

In an emergency hearing in a Chicago courtroom on Nov. 24, the same judge who last month gave a babysitter custody of a two-year-old boy vacated the guardianship order at the request of the child's parents. The toddler will stay with the babysitter pending a Jan. 20 status hearing, although he will spend Thanksgiving and Christmas with his parents and grandmother, who will also get weekly visits.

"I've been practicing law for 30 years, and I've never seen anything like this," said Jeffrey Leving of the Law Offices of Jeffrey M. Leving in Chicago, who represents the mother.

Leving claimed the order granting the sitter guardianship "was based on lies." He alleges the babysitter misled the court about being the child's aunt, about not being able to locate the boy's mother and about the father's identity being unknown.

According to Leving, on Aug. 28, the babysitter filed a petition seeking guardianship after claiming the mother had disappeared; she published the petition in a local law bulletin. On Oct. 20, the judge granted her guardianship, and the sitter notified the mother about the order. The mother then hired a lawyer.

"I think the mother's a good mother, but even if the babysitter -- hypothetically -- could be a better mother, it' s not her child," Leving said.

But the babysitter is the boy's mom as far as the toddler is concerned, countered Rhonda Sallee of Chicago's Sallee & Associates, who represents the sitter.

According to Sallee, her client, Karen Smith, has been raising the boy since he was three days old, and the child has lived with Smith and her husband ever since. "He calls my client mom and her husband dad," Sallee said.

Sallee believes it's in the best interest of the child to stay with the Smiths. "It's inconceivable to rip a child from everything that he knows, or has known, for all his life, and drop him into an environment that he has no knowledge of," she said. "It would be a culture shock."

The case itself is shocking to family law attorneys. Lynne Gold-Bikin, the past chairwoman of the American Bar Association's Section of Family Law, called it "extraordinarily rare," noting that never in her 33 years of practicing law had she heard of a babysitter winning custody.

Paul Talbert of New York's Chemtob Moss Forman & Talbert was equally stunned, saying that neither he nor his colleagues at the firm had ever heard of a babysitter winning custody. For a judge to do that, he said, "You've gotta have some really messed-up parents, and ... no other family members to step in," said Talbert.

Source:
http://www.law.com/jsp/law/LawArticleFriendly.jsp?id=1202435853910

Judge Joan Benge's removal from bench is effective immediately

By

Jenny Hurwitz, The Times-Picayune

Judge Joan Benge's request for a hearing -- her final attempt to hang on to her 24th Judicial District seat and avoid removal from office -- was denied by the state Supreme Court, officials said Monday.

Supreme Court spokeswoman Valerie Willard said that Benge's removal was effective immediately. The court is determining a replacement for the former judge, who was ousted for improperly handling a personal injury case in 2001, thereby violating judicial ethics and the state Constitution.

"This court will not drag its feet," Willard said. "They'll try to do it as soon as possible."

Benge, 53, of Kenner, filed her rehearing request Friday accompanied by a request from more than 160 lawyers, including state Rep. Tony Ligi, Sal Anzelmo, Danny Becnel Jr., Raylyn and Wiley Beevers, Frank DeSalvo, George Hesni and Bruce Netterville, seeking to file a friend-of-the court brief in support of Benge. She was not available for comment.

Her attorney Franz Zibilich said that she was disappointed but not entirely surprised by decision, given the court's unanimous initial ruling two weeks ago. While he maintained his disagreement with the ruling, Zibilich said it at least brought a sense of closure for Benge, who has been hanging in limbo.

"I expect she will spend the next several weeks or so trying to get her life back in order and hopefully spend some time with her family over the holidays," he said.

Willard could not say whether the decision to deny Benge's request was unanimous, but she said it was supported by a majority of the court's justices. The vacancy will be filled with an appointee until an election date is set by the governor and a new judge is elected, a process that could take up to nine months, Willard said.

Benge's removal stemmed, in part, from the 2001 investigation into corruption at the Jefferson Parish Courthouse, dubbed "Operation Wrinkled Robe." Benge's colleague and mentor, Ronald Bodenheimer, was a subject of that investigation and would later plead guilty to charges unrelated to Benge or the case that led to her removal.

In 2001, Benge inherited a personal injury case involving plaintiff Phillip Demma, who was involved in a car wreck and seeking more than $20,000 in compensation. At the time, Demma was conspiring with Bodenheimer, in hopes of swaying the case in his favor.

As part of their investigation, FBI agents taped an exchange between Benge and Bodenheimer, in which she discussed the Demma case. Benge said were it not for Demma's attorney, John Venezia, she would award Demma nothing. She ultimately awarded Demma $4,275 and later told Venezia that he was the only reason she granted the award.

The Judiciary Commission, which investigates judicial misconduct on behalf of the Supreme Court, said that Benge's ruling was not based on evidence but out of loyalty to Bodenheimer or to maintain Venezia's political support.

Jenny Hurwitz can be reached at jhurwitz@timespicayune.com or 504.826.3784.

Source:
http://www.nola.com/crime/index.ssf/2009/11/judge_joan_benges_removal_from.html

Dad tales of desperate and defeated, or deadbeat

By LESLIE CANNOLD

Note: This author claims that economic stress and parental conflict in divorce is more harmful to children than "fatherlessness". She obviously hasn't studies the massive amount of data relating to children that have grown up without fathers.

From Sydney, Australia.

In recent weeks, I seem to have become a bloke magnet. Two weeks ago at the State Library cafe and one night last week at my usual watering hole, I’ve had men in my ear. Sweet men, sad men, vulnerable men – some recently divorced, others single for years – crooning variations on the same tragic tale. A tale about children they love but no longer see.

Once, I would have called them deadbeat dads. My own parents split when I was young but my father maintained scrupulous contact with my brother and me, and was dismissive of men who didn’t. And I knew the facts: that about 30 per cent of Aussie kids rarely or ever see the father who doesn’t live with them; and that before 1989, when the law gave men a choice about chipping in financially to support their children, only about one-third did.

But as I listened to the stories of these grieving men, the moral issue was no longer clear. There is no shortage of grievances, legitimate and otherwise, when a couple splits. But when fathers want to share care of their children but are granted access only on weekends – leaving the Child Support Agency as the only institution affirming the role of men in their children’s lives post-divorce – something seems amiss.

‘‘I was more than a wallet to those children,’’ the man in the cafe told me. ‘‘I parented them.’’ Later, a diary he had kept of his daughter’s first words and subsequent language development would arrive in the mail: proof of his commitment and grief.

The bloke at the bar, let’s call him Barry, was less certain of what he had to offer to his daughter who is three, no four, no three. He hadn’t seen her in years. ‘‘I don’t even have a place to live at the moment,’’ he confessed. ‘‘Had all my ID stolen a few months ago and been couch-surfing for the past three weeks.’’ I heard the rest of his sentence as if he’d spoken it aloud. ‘‘I wouldn’t be good for her, anyway.’’
‘‘She told me to bugger off,’’ he continued, speaking of his former partner, a girl he’d got pregnant, then agreed to support. He sipped his beer primly before cracking a wooden smile. ‘‘So I did.’’

But here’s the real question. Does the fact that many men feel sad when made to feel surplus to requirements in their own children’s life – disenfranchised by the legal system or their former spouse – mean they’ve been wronged? Not necessarily. The terrible truth is that when relationships break down, what is in the best interests of children may not be what’s best for men.

Research by Australian researcher Jennifer McIntosh finds that shared care is not the best arrangement for very young children and only works well for older kids where parents are emotionally mature and get along well. Men incapable of resolving the substance abuse, anger management or emotional issues that can contribute to relationship breakdown in the first place may not be the best influence on children, including their own.

And according to the Australian Institute of Family Studies, there is ‘‘compelling evidence’’ that it is parental conflict and the negative economic consequences of divorce, not fatherlessness per se, that is costly for children of divorce. Deadbeat dads, or desperate, defeated and driven-away ones? You decide.

Do you have a moral issue you need resolve? Send it to Leslie@Cannold.com. All correspondence will be kept strictly confidential.

Source and full article:

http://www.smh.com.au/opinion/society-and-culture/dad-tales-of-desperate-and-defeated-or-deadbeat-20091122-iseh.html

Child-support error costs nearly $21,000

Last December, a state child-support enforcement officer in Vancouver made a startling discovery: The state of Washington had taken nearly $21,000 over 10 years from a father for child support he did not owe.

Note: Amazing that someone actually got reimbersed!!!!

By Jonathan Martin

Seattle Times staff reporter

Last December, a state child-support enforcement officer in Vancouver made a startling discovery: The state of Washington had taken nearly $21,000 over 10 years from a father for child support he did not owe.

The worker alerted his supervisors, asking what to do. Then he waited. And waited. And waited.

The state Department of Social and Health Services (DSHS) finally sent a letter to the father — an unemployed logger in Lewis County — two months later. It told him about the mistake and offered a $1.24 refund, but said too much time had passed for a full refund, according to DSHS records.

The $1.24 was the amount the state collected after it realized it had made an error.

If the father wanted the rest, the agency said in a letter, he'd probably have to get a lawyer.

That letter compounded an already serious error, outraging one state worker enough to file an anonymous whistle-blower complaint.

Once an investigator from the state auditor's whistle-blower program questioned DSHS managers about the case, the agency quickly reversed its approach and sent a second letter, apologizing. It soon cut the father, a 41-year-old whom it did not name, a $20,754.26 check, according to DSHS records.

Source & Full Article:

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2010327508_childsupport22m.html

DMV attorney is skating the lines of ethics

San Diego Courts Examiner - Gregory Smart

Millions of Californians have their drivers license suspended for child support issues each year. In researching this subject I recently requested several items of information from the California Department of Motor Vehicles including:

1. "Request the name of point of contact(s) who will be providing me this information on behalf of the state with their name, phone, e-mail, agency.

2. "The process and guidelines for suspending driver’s licenses on Child Support cases.

3. "The number of males in the state of California that currently have their Drivers License suspended as the result of a child support case.

4. "The number of females in the state of California that currently have their Drivers License suspended as the result of a child support case."

I was informed that my point of contact (#1) would be Roger Sato. (monkey) Roger J. Sato is Senior Staff Counsel for the Legal Affairs Division of the California Department of Motor Vehicles. His phone number is (916) 657-6469 and his email address is rsato@dmv.ca.gov . Sato’s response is below.

The Department has determined that there are documents responsive to item # 2. There are no documents responsive to items # 3 and 4 except as noted below. My contact information is also noted below in response to item # 1. The Department will mail the documents requested in item # 2 upon receipt of a check in the amount of fifty-one dollars and eighty cents ($51.80) payable to the DMV for the statutory fee, which shall be mailed to:

Department of Motor Vehicles
Legal Affairs Division, C-128
P.O. Box 932382
Sacramento, CA 94232-3820
Attention: ROGER J. SATO

California Government Code Section 6253, subdivision (b), provides that the state agency make the identifiable public records available "upon payment of fees covering the direct costs of duplication, or a statutory fee, if applicable." California Vehicle Code section 1811 allows the Department of Motor Vehicles to charge "at least the entire actual cost to the department of the copies." See also Shippen v. DMV (1984) 161 Cal.App.3d 1119.

Regarding items # 3 and 4, the Department has the annual total statistics by calendar year, but the statistical information is not broken down by gender. Please let me know if you would like a copy of the annual totals back to the year 2000, and I will be able to provide that information.
Furthermore, in order to identify and extract statistics that distinguish the number of males and the number of females who are currently suspended as a result of a child support case from the Department of Motor Vehicles’ driver license database would require what is called a "file pass." A "file pass" consists of writing a special software program at a cost of $135 per hour and requires a deposit before beginning the task necessary to complete this portion of your request. In addition, the Department is charged a fee of approximately $1,514 per hour to load the numerous records and run the program with an estimated time of two to ten hours necessary to search the entire driver license database. Any record found will be charged at an additional cost of ten cents ($0.10) per record. (California Code of Regulations, Title 13, Section 350.44(c), Government Code Sections 6253, subdivision (b), and 6253.9, subdivision (b)(2), and Vehicle Code section 1811. See also Shippen v. DMV (1984) 161 Cal.App.3d 1119.) Based on the priority of this request under applicable regulations, this request would be processed after any priority needs for the Department, law enforcement entities, and other governmental agencies. (13 CCR sections 350.12 and 350.30.)

Sato is proposing I pay up to $25,000 USD, or more, to obtain information that should be transparent to the public. The public has a right to know! I would like Mr. Sato to know that I do not wish to purchase my own DMV branch. I simply wish to have the information that should be available to the public made available.

Let me clarify some things for Roger Sato and the readers. Under the California Public Records Act (CPRA) and the Freedom Of Information Act (FOIA) there are very clear rules regarding inspection of documents and fees.

Prompt Disclosure: Government Code Section 6253 (b), (d) Records not exempt from disclosure are to be made "promptly available." No provision of the CPRA and FOIA, shall be construed to permit an agency to delay or obstruct the inspection or copying of public records."

Fees: Government Code Section 6253 (b) There is no fee chargeable for inspection of a record (Attorney General's Opinion No. 01-605)

So why is Roger Sato and the Department of Motor Vehicles so secretive about the information that I requested and why are they resorting to making the records unobtainable by charging exorbitant amounts of money? The answer is quite simple. The courts and the DMV generate millions of dollars in revenue each year by suspending drivers licenses.

Roger Sato is skating the thin line between ethical and unethical behavior. As an attorney in a public servant position he should be acting on behalf of the public he serves rather than the government agency by which he is employed.

http://www.examiner.com/x-27585-San-Diego-Courts-Examiner~y2009m11d21-Roger-Sato

Should push for mandatory paternity tests be abandoned?

By David A. Love

Note: Interesting Article! Although.....hmmmm? Well, there are pros and cons, thats for sure!

Should paternity tests become mandatory for all newborn babies? A state legislator in Tennessee thinks so.

This January, State Rep. G. A. Hardaway plans on reintroducing a bill he first presented last year that would require a paternity test before a father's name is listed on a birth certificate. Under the legislation, the state would pay the costs of the test if the parties are unable to pay. But mandatory paternity testing can have unintended consequences, and as they say, the devil is in the details.

At first glance, this seems like a good idea with good intentions. There are many fathers who refuse to step up to the plate and take care of their responsibilities. And certainly the black community is no exception. After all, the absence of fathers is helping to destroy the black community, and we are in a crisis situation. A 2007 study by the Pew Research Center found that 67 percent of African-Americans believe fathers are doing a worse job than 20-30 years ago, as opposed to 48 percent of Latinos and 44 percent of whites. Further, in a 2007 survey by the National Fatherhood Initiative called "Pop's Culture: A National Survey of Dads' Attitudes on Fathering", 91 percent believed there is a father-absence crisis in America.

Some of the rationales for mandatory paternity tests are that it would help to resolve child support disputes, provide peace of mind to the parents, and allow for an accurate medical history of the child.

Another good reason for such a law is that it would protect the rights of children. Proponents believe that every child has right to know his or her father. "Well, at some point society has to weigh the rights of the parents against the rights of the child," Hardaway said. "And I think this is one of the basic inherent rights that should go with the child."

But the testing also raises questions about family privacy. There are some cases where the mother - for her own safety and the safety of her child - might not want the father to know that he is the father. And perhaps there are situations where the father should not be involved in the life of the child at all. Cases of domestic violence, rape and incest immediately come to mind.

Moreover, in the case of the Tennessee proposal, DNA testing would apply to everyone, unmarried and married couples alike. It would stigmatize mothers, and suggest from the beginning that they are unfaithful to their partner. This would serve as an affront to women. Plus, what would happen if the father dies before the test could be administered?

Currently, in Tennessee and many other states, a man is presumed to be the father if he is married to the mother or has claimed paternity, among other things. This is called the presumption of paternity.

Those who support mandatory DNA tests would point to cases of paternity fraud--where a woman makes a dishonest claim that a particular man fathered her child--as evidence that changes are needed in the laws. But is it really worth it to potentially turn the birth of every single child into another episode of the Maury Povich Show? It shouldn't have to get that deep.

And in cases where states would not pay for the DNA test for people who could not afford it, this could create further obstacles for unmarried fathers to assume responsibility for their child.

As the crisis of fatherless children grows, legislators and policy makers are not likely to turn away from this issue. They should be commended for listening to the desperate pleas from their constituents, and coming up with solutions to attack the problem. But laws should be fair, sensible, and carefully written. And even great laws have their limits. A statute does not have the power to make a father spend time with his child, be there for his child, or do as much as he can for his son or daughter.

However, there is a role for government to play. The current recession is placing stresses on families and working people, making it harder to support their children, and with no relief in sight. In the National Fatherhood Initiative survey, work demands and financial problems were listed as top barriers to being a good father. In addition, 67 percent of respondents said that government should do more to assist fathers.

Regardless of your opinion of paternity testing, we can all agree that creative solutions are required for the serious crisis of absent fathers. The issue of mandatory paternity testing helps to shine a light on the problem, but it will take more than a DNA result to make better fathers.

http://www.thegrio.com/2009/11/-should-paternity-tests-become.php

Fatherhood isn't in the genes

DNA tests are confirming men's suspicions of not being their kid's real dad -- but they're still made to pay up

By Tracy Clark-Flory

Note: DNA/Paternity tests should be mandatory in all divorce, custody, and child support matters. Not only for the parents sake, but for the childrens sake too. Imagine growing up into adulthood and then finding out one of your parents lied to you your whole life about your identity because one of your parents is not a biological parent?!

Parents who willing lie and/or conceal the true identity of a biological parent to extort money (child support) are commiting a serious crime of fraud, perjury, extortion, etc., and should be prosecuted!

Also I'm tired of reading statements like the second sentence in this article, since when is a pregnancy usually always described as unilaterally a mans doing when its not a result of rape? Isn't both the man and woman equally responsible for their sexual relationship?

A man is supposed to take care of his children. If he gets a woman pregnant, he's expected to step up and take responsibility. But what if that man discovers that the child he thought was his own -- the kid he read to, cuddled and tucked in at night -- is another man's? Then who is responsible for the kid -- the biological father or the nurturing adoptive dad? That is the quandary increasingly being raised by DNA tests. As Ruth Padawer writes in a fascinating cover story for the upcoming New York Times Magazine, the rise of paternity tests -- bought on the cheap online or at local drug stores -- have revealed "just how murky society’s notions of fatherhood actually are."

Mike L., the lead subject in Padawer's piece, found evidence of his wife's affair with a coworker and decided to have L., his 5-year-old daughter, take a DNA test. The results arrived in the mail: He was not the father. "I ran upstairs, locked myself in the bathroom and cried and dry-heaved for 45 minutes. I felt like my guts were being ripped out," he says. Mike separated from his wife, Stephanie, and began paying her child support because, he says, she claimed Rob, L.'s bio-dad, had refused. Things continued on this way for several years, until he got news that Stephanie would be marrying Rob, and that was too much to bear. He asked a Pennsylvania court to relieve him of parental responsibility, but a judge ruled that Mike was the legal father, not Rob.

Full Article:

http://www.salon.com/mwt/broadsheet/feature/2009/11/20/paternity